Last nappy.

Although still prone to the odd accident, Charlie is now finished with the whole nappy scene. She has been running about the daytime in big girl pants and uses her potty well so now it's time for her to get used to nappyless sleeping.

Policeman stinks.

While walking up the lane down by Grandma's house that runs along the back of the police station. Mum and Charlie encountered a young policewoman who pretended to be a nice person by saying 'hello'

Charlie could see through this facade and replied 'Policemen stink'
'what?' came the reply from miss Piggy.
'Policemen stink of pooo...' insisted Charlie.

What a Star...that's my girl.

Groupwork - Catch up

4. Developing an image
Willy finally talks to me, we are in a splinter group together and he says
"see in the first week ah thought you wur a wierdo cause you wur talk'n aboot Jesus n'that"

Paul got kicked out for being disruptive even though for the first time he didn't say anything and was in fact the two Willies who were snapping at each other.
5. Effects of self and others
In an exercise we had to list people/situations were we felt the need to prove ourselves or compete. My contribution to the list was yourself and God. This provided entertainment for everyone in our group who again enquired to whether I was a Bible basher.
I then presented it to the rest of the class and again folk laughed at God.
However I hadn't seen my arch enemy's reaction but on the break he would make it clear just what he thought. While I was making a tea he squared up to me right in my face telling me to stop taking the piss out of God.
"Forgive me!" I replied turning to face him but couldn't keep the smile from my face.
"Think this is funny ya cunt!" his face moving closer.
"Listen Willy, I can say whatever the fuck I want" my grip tightens on my mug of brewing tea.
Just then Mark, one of the social workers enters, Willy turns away quickly saying "Eh he cannae talk aboot God"
"He can say whatever he wants Willy that's the point of these groups" replies Mark.
Willy heads outside to speak to the other guys and gather some allies in his quest to stop God being mentioned.

After the break we have a new exercise where we have to list 'Physical Wounds.'
I suggest the Stigmata which brings some cheer to the room and when Tam reads it out to the class Willy turns away from the class in a huff. What a baby...
6. Seeing the whole picture
Pretty uneventful, Rona was off sitting an exam so Mark filled in and handled Willy superbly well, so few interruptions that we finished an hour early.
7. Put yourself in other's shoes
In this session I was branded a racist because I claimed that Iraqi asylum seekers are terrorists. (I didn't know this till a week later in a one on one with Russell)
It was a role play where I (as the Iraqi electrician) had to enter a competition to win 30 grand. I said I wanted the money to make triggers for bombs to kill the infidels. Imagine thinking that's racist!
Brought up Allah but Willy didn't bite.
8. How does crime affect people
Can't remember.
9. Victims of crime
Can't remember
10. Review
In the last session in the Value's module we did a quiz. We split into 2 teams, I let Willy's team sprint to a 5 nil head start before I started answering. Willy got a little upset at me pulling it back and taking the lead 7 - 5. He began blurting out the answer after I 'beeped'. He then went in a huff when I got the points and he got told to stop interrupting saying 'they're cheating, they're letting them win!' hahahahahahaha what a baby, I've seen some childish antics from him over the last five weeks but this took the biscuit...
But the real action didn't begin till they got a wrong answer and I 'beeped'
the question was what judgements are given about the victim of shoplifting. Their team said that they are probably junkies so I beeped and said that it's a shop, so they're insured and can afford it. Willy went daft!!! 'you cannae jump in, your a cheating cunt!!!' It was priceless

Staoineag bothy trip

After the last bothy trip I couldn't wait to get back out in the hills again. Dave and Paul had to cancel leaving just myself, Matt(Barry), Chris and my Dad. Matt and I arrived in Glasgow just before lunchtime on Friday. We had a tea and set off to pick up Chris. The plan was to drive up to Bridge of Orchy and get the train to Corrour and it's about 7 miles into Staoineag bothy however this time in our packs were bags of coal which makes a massive difference.
Chris Sloan was a terrible influence, 40 minutes into the walk had already peer pressured me into rolling a joint. Big mistake! My legs felt drained and my breathing was fucked but I recovered after about half an hour.
The scenery here was fantastic, down by Loch Treig there was more of the petrified remains of the ancient Caledonian Forest. There is a picture further down, not as spectacular as Ben Alder but still very cool.
There aren't words to describe the relief of turning the corner and seeing this sight. About 5 minutes before I was thinking of dumping my pack (that 2nd joint at the bridge didn't help matters.) but finally an end in sight.
The icy river was the best water I had ever tasted even with my feet steeped in it. To get to the bothy we had to cross these stepping stones - very dodgy with tired legs and a heavy pack.

In our haste to submerge our feet we forgot the bothy code of having a tea ready for anyone coming in. Something that Dad was quick to point out when he arrived. Here it comes!
We had the whole bothy to ourselves (for the whole weekend as it turned out) and it had been well cleaned and stocked up with wood. There was an upstairs in this bothy, my guess is that about 40 people could fit in this wee cottage.

(Dad, Chris and Matt)

Matt brought some 'maya dust', he had been talking about how amazing this stuff was for firelighting. It turns out that he had never used it before and after half an hour of trying to light it with his flint we turned to the trusty BBQ firelighters and lighter. The fire didn't need to be light again for the whole weekend. A combination of coal and pyromania meant that the fire never died down even when we wanted it to (me and Chris just couldn't leave it alone), this resulted in all of us sitting against the back wall with our tops off.

Above the stream, grunting Staoineag stands,
stone stuck to living stone
at one with rock
an elbow to the west.
Cold from corries, wind slaps the sheetings hard
and fires the hail, to slot along the corrugations
seeking entry.

A sentry
in the narrow glen she stands defiant,
desperately alone,
except for coughing sheep and memories
thrown from distant towns
by hillmen who here have bedded down
and briefly called it home

All the way up the river to the bothy and beyond it to the woods there were some beautiful waterfalls. I missed out in getting a picture of the best one because I kept forgetting to take the camera to the small forest when gathering wood.

Here's dramatic effect of Ben Nevis in the distance, Britain's highest mountain, is emphasised by the fact that it begins its rise from sea-level on the shores of Loch Linnhe, to tower 4,406ft (1,344m) above the town of Fort William, providing an almost paternal presence.
The river and glen running past the mountain both carry the name 'Nevis', as does the remote sea loch at Knoydart, 40 miles to the west. In Gaelic the mountain's name, Beinn Nibheis, has been linked with Irish and Gaelic words meaning poisonous or terrible, implying a fairly ominous character.
While Matt was washing the dishes he lost my dads mug. He didn't know what to do so he ran and got me. The water was very cold...
After experiencing the icy goodness of Abhainn Rath I later managed to convince Chris and Matt to join me in a swim. At the first sandy beach from the bothy we found a steep bank which we used as a plunge pool. The water was too cold to stay in for long but when you came out your whole body would burn, it was amazing.
The picture is shit, I had had a fair bit of wine but you can see a herd of deer. There was a natural route for them about half way up the hill just outside the bothy, we saw hundreds of them. Chris and I quite fancied going out and snagging one of them, free venison and an opportunity to leave the head for Dad to wake up snuggled up to. Priceless...
Here I am laughing away as usual. Dad KO'd behind me, now just imagine the head of a deer positioned next to him with its tongue out. hahaha
Look at this photo, how cool is that? Even youse tossers that are against hash have to admire the aesthetic beauty.

Thou Shalt not Pass.

Our time at Staoineag has passed so we stock up and clean up. Dad left a little earlier, he has wee legs ye see. We sat and had one last J before making our way.


Here as promised some of Auld Caledonia. By this point Matt was crying about a blister and I was panicking about the train, maybe we shouldn't have had that joint before we left the bothy.
Not far after this bridge there were a few JCBs that had scarred the whole surrounding area so Matt and I smashed them up best we could, it wasn't quite the bonfire that dad suggested but at least they'll have to remove them for repair - Dicks.
Cutting it close; we arrived at Corrour Station. Dad was beginning to worry because it was 6 hours till the next train.

Phoenix's tasty treats.

Today at about 6pm Phoenix was sitting in the middle of the floor while Charlie was on her potty. Charlie had taken her nappy-pants off in order to offload a poo.
Teri was looked over because it was so smelly and out of the corner of her eye saw this.
Charlie had let a few squibs of shit plop out right at Feefee's feet. Hysteria filled the room when after a double take, Teri realised what Phoenix was eating.
Phoenix became a little upset when we took her new favorite food away from her. Poor lass
It's meant to be good for children to play with shit, isn't it?
Anyone know who actually said this (sounds Freudian) and why?

Groupwork - Expectations of men

Arrived late but within the 15 minute grace that we are allowed. The group had started but were reiterating the group rules especially the 'one singer, one song' rule. This was perhaps because I complained about the madness in my last group evaluation.
At my community service on yesterday I forged some allies. Two of the guys I'm on CS with are in my groupwork so I spoke of Willy's dislike of me and my intention to wind him up. Peter and Scott both like me to being in their group because it absolves them of speaking in front of the class so now they think Willy is a target for a slagging.
I came in at the point when Paul was suggesting to everyone that we should raise our hand when we want to say something, I couldn't help but laugh. The suggestion was rejected, although Willy and Paul despite constantly interrupting, still put their hand up during the whole class just to be ignored by Claire and Rona. This led to childish huff and haws it was superb, they felt victimised.
Peter who is very quite, sprung into action by saying to Willy that he would talk more if he'd 'shut up for 5 minutes' - priceless...
Paul got spoken to and Willy was sent home at the break, I think as a combination of my evaluation and Peter's comment(because he's quiet and I'm clever). But who knows really?

In one exercise we all had statements about men that had to placed on the agree pile or disagree pile and discussed. When it came to the Billy's statement
'If my friend told me he was gay, it wouldn't change our friendship.'
he agreed because 'if a ken'd someb'dy ma hail life, thur still the same person ken.' The small bald English guy nicknamed Shorty muttered and turned away in disgust. This was picked up on by Claire who asked his opinion.
'well you know, God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve'
haha I was poorless.

The last exercise was also hilarious, we had to describe a time in our childhood when someone said or did something that stuck, forming an expectation of manhood. However, when Raymond got the ball rolling, it quickly became clear that he didn't know what the question was asking instead describing his fathers vicious beatings and how his sister was the favorite. Claire and Rona then tried to clarify what the question meant. Paul was next and he rambled about how his father give him vicious beatings and bla bla bla but again never answered the question. Claire was tearing her hair out by this point, so they asked me to go next.
I said that most expectations are contradictory just about everyone has told me 'to stay out of trouble and behave but also told me to stand up for myself and not let anyone push me around'
This didn't help anyone, and everyone rambled on about some boohoo story from childhood
By the end of this task Claire was exhausted so sent us home early...

Edinburgh Botanic Gardens

After groupwork I went round to Ally's and arranged to meet Teri in Princes St gardens.
We decided to visit the Botanic Gardens returning to pick up Josh on route.
The sight from the rock gardens are amazing, you can see Arthur's Chair in the background.

Charlie was loving it, top off on a lovely summers day stomping round and chasing squirrels
Check out mum, another bun in the oven?
Josh finally figures out how to work the camera, what a loser...
Charlie comandeers Feefee's buggy, the chancer that she is.
Fee isn't impressed as Charlie poses.
Come on Phoenix, where's your smiles?
It's shite being Scottish, some people hate the English. A don't, their just wankers.
Phoenix in the whore's mother memorial garden.

Groupwork - What's important to us

Groupwork was shit today, absolutely shit.
A few of the guys had obviously taken their 'meds' recently. They couldn't stop talking over each other resulting in the meeting being a shambles.
The one highlight was Willy whose name describes him perfectly. What a dick! He is my new nemesis for the next three months. It all began because I slated his comment that competition was the most important value 'without it everybody would just sit on their arse till the died of starvation' what a retard. His retort was
'your just a stoner'
haha what wit, coming from a junkie on speed.
Then we partook in a game where we had to pick a celebrity picture and say what we admired about that person. I choose the Bush picture and said I admired the way his crew stole elections, carried out the events of 11/9, manufactured a never ending War on Terror, destroyed the American constitution in full view for everyone to see and is still getting away with it to this day. What balls...
Willy did not like this at all, he hates towel-heads and is quite happy hearing that they are to blame and are being destroyed for their crimes.
The next flash point came in an exercise that asked what are the advantages of being a man. My predictable response 'Having a penis' was met with fury from dickhead who was angry with me because there were 'fucking women present'. As you can imagine my response was gut-busting laughter which set Rona off laughing too. Bet he felt like a right willy after that...

Groupwork - Introduction.

Arrived fashionably late for the first session, you can be no more than 15 minutes late, so like a school kid testing a new teacher I was 20 minutes late. I know, I really should have grown out of this behaviour but I like to test my boundaries ye see. It was no problem (because it was the first week) they even tried to excuse me: 'was it the buses?'
My response 'No, I was just testing how strict you were' was met with laughter, I think they thought I was joking.

The group was much bigger than I thought and there were a few faces that I recognised from community service which blew my plan to use a Graeme Dott (the snooker player) voice in the sessions. There were three group leaders Mark, Claire and Anna (her real name is Rona). The goals of todays meeting were breaking the ice and establishing the ground rules.

To break the ice we had to say our name and our hero/idol giving a reason why. The first hero mentioned was Kevin Spacey and it did get much better, the one guy who didn't say some shite actor (Jake LaMotta) fucked it up by saying 'You have to include De Nero because he played him.' I was last and at the last moment changed my answer from Alec Baldwin to Jebus. This raised a few eyebrows and I have to say I was tempted to play the God loving Christian, the reason I gave was that he was a dissenting criminal who inspired me. However, the game took a turn and now we had to mention someone we hated. This time I was first and I just had to say Jebus again, the reason being because he inspired the Christian religion. There were a few puzzled looks I can tell you.

After a wee tea break we split into two groups to brainstorm what we thought would make the group feel like a 'safe' place. I continued my Christian theme with 'Thou shalt not kill' being top of the list that I had been elected to write, after this some people identified me as a fellow believer, so I had to let them know that Santa doesn't really exist.

It was entertaining and amusing and this was just the introduction. Tomorrow is 'What's important to us' I'll report back with my findings...