Indo and Ozzy Scots

Having checked Balloonhead's blog for any updates from the other side of the world from my dear brothers, I was shocked to see that there was actually some news. (though they do have like, jobs and that)
My older and much balder brother Ryan has set up his own blog which there is a link to on the right. It may take him a while but I have full faith that time and patience he may be able to post both pictures and words together.
This does however give me an opportunity to introduce Charlie and Fee-Fee's far flung family.

Here's Balloonhead himself with his lovely wife Jen - the Australian connection.

Eeehh!! well at least its not an American connection.

Here's their son, young Calum at around his 5th month, luckily he can claim he's Scottish.



Now onto the Indo-Chinese side of the family, Above is a picture of Ryan's wife Tisa and their first born Kathryn Mei, On the left is the elusive Ryan Campbell himself, since I couldn't find a decent picture of the dirt-bag I cut this one from Duncan's wedding.
Below are the IndoScots themselves, the elder being Kathryn Mei and the younger is Iona Mei.
Having a Chinese connection in the family is deceptive, you would think they would be into something amazing like Taoism or some sort of martial art, however the evil of Christianity has destroyed their faith in proper religions and it's the Scottish ex-pat thats learning the secrets of 'martial science' instead, wierd eh?




Well at least Charlie and Phoenix will be able to teach them about taoism and wing chun.

I guess it's 3rd time unlucky mmmmmmpots.

hahahahahaha

Oh dry your eyes.

there's always next time - hahahahahahahahahaha

I'm really racking my brains for things to really piss you off

but, hahahahahahahahahahaha really says it all.

see right Kris it's no funny, I'm just nervous...hahahahaha

I got confused and drove on the the wrong side of the road....hahahaha

It's the driver he was a dick, he used the brake too soon.....hahaha

Sorry Aimpots I just can't help it looks like my 50 quid is safe eh?

Oh I heard you didn't want anyone to know, especially me...hahahaha

Nae luck hen, Charlie looks more comfortable behind the wheel.

I'll give you double or quits on Charlie passing her test first.



We're off to bubble moon to see Mr. Spoon bubble moon, bubble moon...
Bubble moon, bubble moon...

the Proven's Parade East.

Charlie waited at the window for for the crew to arrive and from that moment on was in 6th gear. Here they are minus of course Uncle David who was busy managing Barca at an assistant level guiding them to their 4th consecutive title and winning back the European Cup from Milan.


Patrick quickly learned what Charlie means by 'Dooush'



The kid's were great they played out the front garden, then Patrick came in and told us that
'Charlie's crazy, she's trying to kill herself...'
It turned out that she driving her car on the road, something aunty Maimy should learn to do. Once I informed Patrick that it was a quiet street and it was OK they were off playing with the kids in the street. Peace for Mum and aunty Steph to gossip and for Dad and Uncle David to tactically overcome formidable opponents.


Phoenix was in on the action aswell, almost becoming part of it with Charlie's 'ring a ring a roses' and Gary's 360 spin jumps from the couch. Although she did get papped off to Granma's while Dad, Mum and Charlie were treated to Dinner courtesy of the Proven posse.


Amy, David even passed his test and he thinks that 'left' is 'straight on'...

Judgement...

On speaking to my lawyer before entering court I began to regret my arrogant treatment of the social enquiry report.

"Kris that's not a good report, you've really made this hard"

He then handed me a copy of the report in which he had already highlighted the areas that he found worrying.
1. I feel no remorse for my offences.
2. I drink to the point of intoxication and black-outs.
3. I don't concider this a problem.
4. I drink in the house.
5. I feel that I am 'above' the law.
6. I am at moderate to high risk of re-offending.
7. That I feel it is justified to kick someone on the head.

On reading through the report I quickly realized that any form of context had been removed and my explanations to why I believe these things obviously would have used to much ink and were therfore omitted.
I couldn't believe it, I had deliberatly sabotaged my report with a mixture of truth and arrogance but without context it made me look like a nutter.

My lawyer made it clear that he thought I'd get 6 months - 4 months because of an early plea but with this report he explained exactly what the Sheriff would say about the reports findings...

What did the Sheriff have to say then?


Well the first thing that went in my favour was the Procurator Fiscal had lost my file (what a legend). The Sheriff went nuts but decided to go ahead without him. My lawyer tried to fill in the contextual blanks that weren't on my report, all the while the sheriff nodded with a condesending smile - I thought I was fucked for sure.

The sheriff was impressed with my choice of degree, however thought it was ME that had to go home and revise some aspects of morality and ethics in society. Despite the stress I was under, I almost burst out laughing though managed to control it to just a wry smile.

In simple terms, morality is the right or wrong (or otherwise) of an action, a way of life or a decision, while ethics is the study of such standards as we use or propose to judge such things. Thus abortion may be moral or immoral according to the code we employ but ethics tells us why we call it so and how we made up our minds. As a result, ethics is sometimes called moral philosophy; we use it to criticise, defend, promote, justify and suggest moral concepts and to answer questions of morality, such as:

* How should we live and treat one another?
* What are right and wrong?
* How can we know or decide?
* Where do our ethical ideas come from?
* What are rights? Who or what has them?
* Should we coerce one another?
* Can we find an ethical system that applies to everyone?
* What do we mean by duty, justice and other similar concepts?

But all the justification for my moral point of view had not been recorded on the S.E.R. the report is most likely just a checklist because writing what was actually said would be too hard for the monkey's that interview you.


The sheriff then went on to say that I was 'out of control and because I don't see it as a problem she was worried about me being violent towards my partner and children'
What a fucking shot in the dark, then when my lawyer went on to say that nothing I have EVER done would indicate domestic abuse.
The sheriff responded with 'Domestic abuse comes in many forms, Mr Runcie'

So now because I've faught bouncers and the 'scum' and larger gangs suddenly now I'm a child abuser? Fuck you and your whole establishment...thats like saying because I have a penis then your worried about me commiting rape. Talk about conjecture...

In the end I was relieved to get 80 hours community service and a years probation. Though if she hadn't been so annoyed with the P.F. I think I'd be watching the World Cup with Bubba

the Day of Reckoning

Had to go to see a social worker a few days ago in preparation for going to court today to be sentenced. However, although I'm well aware of the answers that I should give to butter-up the social worker and therefore present a positive report to the judge. I decided instead to be brutally honest (rush of blood to the head I suppose)



"hash is the only thing that keeps me calm"
"Could you expand on that?"
"well hash just makes me laugh at how shit life is rather than get annoyed at it"
"So without hash you get angry?"

Now my question is, how can you not be angry? Even while stoned I am still pissed off with the entire fabric of our so called 'civilization,' there is nothing civilized about it.




Another truth I made clear which again went against conventional thought was that University is a bullshit training course for your career and has absolutely nothing to do with education.

"I see from your previous report that you were at university, what happened with that?"
"I left at the end of third year"
"do you intent to complete your course?"
"Naw, I'm above it..."
"what do you mean YOUR above it"

Now although this is clearly true, it's just not something you say. I went on to explain that university serves only the purpose of testing, showing that you can follow orders, qualifying whilst getting you into so much debt essentially tricking you into paying for your own job training and that 'real' education is something that you do in your own time, using your own motivation, studying subjects of your own choice.

Another thing on the agenda was my drinking habits, since every offence that I've been caught for has been when I've been too pissed to run away. Having already been forced to attend alcohol probation 3 years ago. I commented on how useless it was since I don't have a drinking problem, that I am just greedy and that when I get drunk I know I'll keep drinking until I 'Black-out' (another concerning buzz word) when I could've just said fall asleep.


"So how did you find the SACRO probation last time"
"I didn't learn anything new, they give you a drink diary and unless the football was on I wouldn't drink and even then it would just be a few beers, in fact the course instructor drank more than me."
"So you don't think you have a drink problem?"
"No, like I said the more you have the harder it is to say no to the next one. I think that's true of most people"
"Most people don't go around assaulting people..."

After this statement I burst out laughing, I couldn't help it.
I then lifted my charge sheet and pointed to all my offence's and pointed out that in not one instance did I ever attack anyone and that every assault was against bouncers and/or police and that in this latest farcicle affair there was seven of them against two of us, and they started on us I just hit one guy a bit too hard.

"So you don't feel any remorse for any of these victims"
"Bouncers and Police? no they're not victims there're licenced bullies."
"I take it your anti-authoritarian?"
"Just a wee bit, i'm an anarchist"



Again, not the best thing to say to someone within they same establishment writing a report that could send you to jail. But fuck them it's true these pricks deserve much worse than being hit by a drunk.

The social worker said she would advise against probation because I said although it wouldn't teach me anything new, it may be interesting.

"It's not meant to be interesting"

And to tail it off we returned to the facts of this case. I let her know that I and everyone I've spoken to thought it was a joke that I was getting charged for getting jumped.

"But you kicked someone one the head?"
"there was seven of them"
"So you think you are justified in kicking someone on the head?"
"your making it sound worse than it was"
"You think you are justified in kicking someone on the head?"
"yes, in that circumstance I was. It's not like I had already over powered one guy and was beating him to death"


Do you think it'll go well?

Illness sweeps the Martin household.

In the last week we have been back and forward to the hospital and despite the fact that we live a five minute walk from the Royal. We've had to spend a fortune on taxi's to the Sick Kids Hospital. Despite the fact that the Royal referred Charlie to the SKH they wouldn't provide a vehicle to transfer her there. Cheers...


Charlie was the most ill having an infected lung or some'hin. The grief that Dad got on the phone for not informing Gran of her cough was not surprising, though if you hadn't experienced the hysteria of Martin women then you would have thought she had bad aids.

Of course Mum and Dad are both diseased now......again.

However, this'll be Phoenix's first test of her immune system since she now has a bad cough, green shit and lots of puke. Although she is moaning and crying alot at the moment she still has plenty of smiles - infact she seems to mock the illness, my little Übermensch.

Fee-Fee finds her feet.

In the last few day's Phoenix has found her feet. Since then she has become very restless when sitting up in her buggy or bouncey chair all she wants to do now is lie on her back and chew on her toes. When on her back she is almost rolling over aswell won't be long now...

Phoenix feeding frenzy

Phoenix has been eating solids now for about 2 months and as you can see, like her sister keeps up the Martin love for excess.

The picture above shows Fee-Fee's right ear making its usual attempt to flap. Think we may have to wrap her head in masking tape to stop her ears thinking they're wings.


When there is no food on the table Charlie and Neenix are often found trying to devour there hands.

Really Dad should have grown out of this.

Uncle Simps dropped as Josh becomes faves?

Charlie has rarely been scared of anyone, however if she hadn't seen Josh for a while then she would be weary for an hour or so. Can you really blame her, look at this dodgy character

Simps on the other hand always had Charlies trust, from the moment he would walk in the door Charlie would engage with him.


However, now it's Josh that Charlie always asks for 'where Josh?' so does this show a shift in Charlie's favorite Uncle?

It looked to be the case until Charlie was at the Safari Park and to her Gran's surprise said 'me nove Dave' - Gran phoned to check who this mysterious Dave character was. It looks like your safe for the time being Simps but you might have to visit more often to remain faves

Lions and Tigers and Monkeeees.

Gran was through for Charlie on Friday, and this weekend was Charlie's first trip to a safari park. Patrick and Gary were with her and they all loved seeing all the animals they have heard so much about.

Charlie and Patrick get inside the animals.


a gazelle's life just seems so sad when alone and surrounded by tigers.

Charlie makes a start on the garden.

Last Wednesday was a lovely day to get stuck into the garden, however 4.30pm was rather late to capitalize on the weather. This resulted in us trying to re-plant the tulips and roses in the dark.
The reason for such a late start was due to Ally and Josh's tardiness. Despite this though we did make a good start by taking all the weeds out of the future vegetable patch and turning the soil. Charlie loved digging in the garden though spent most of the time throwing sand over herself.



Here's Charlie talking to lil'nigs Josiha. It's a shame he's never allowed out to play cause he just lives next door. Maybe when I get the back garden done he'll be allowed over since there are no escape routes from there...