Willetts' stag

The fucker was I broke my jaw 3 days before Andy Willetts’ stag weekend.

This weekend involved -
An opening night of heavy drinking with a rowdy bunch of guys, many I haven't seen in 8 years and for some reason they kept reaching for my head, in particular my cheeks to greet me or acknowledge me on their way to the bar or the pisser (particularly the bestman Knowlesy); I had to be constantly on guard.......for the whole weekend.

After violent vomiting the next morning where at the time the searing pain and the feeling that it wasn’t going to stop made me think I was going to die; I decided not to take any of my pills and just be total hard-core.

A few hours later was a 2hr 5-a-side football tournament where half of us were hung over. With balls and challenges flying everywhere it was a dangerous time for me, obviously I avoided being the goalkeeper but I was getting involved; I even took a boot to the balls which made me vomit.... from...you guessed it - the bestman Knowlesy (this was after I had already vomited 3 times from hangover exertion during game-2)
A boot to the balls I could take, but a high challenge, a ball in the face, or even a header could have been disastrous... I came back on to score the tournament winning goal and claim the match ball by scoring a beautiful top bag pen with my left foot in sudden death contest for the Celts against the Internationals – it was like poetry in motion, and all this in my fragile state.

After more drinking we attended a beautiful Indian restaurant where I couldn't eat and they didn't serve soup - I asked the waiter to suggest the most soup-like prawn curry - he brought me the driest thing on the menu. I had to gather up all the pakora sauces and get creative with that bitch – prawn pakora-sauce biryani soup - my mouth was on fire the rest of the night.

Saw Fred McCauley – not terrible, but not good.
Went for a piss in a bush (a dangerous activity for a man in my state, I know)
Lost everyone and since I no longer own a phone I was fucked – went by myself to one place that I definitely knew was on the itinerary (the Three Sisters), had a few drinks and sneaked into a few comedy gigs (these guys made Fred seem pretty good), sneaked about the place just getting up to mischief exploring (it really is a labyrinth of a place) – hung around for a few hours but got bored and went home and found that a few of the stags were already getting pissed at my neighbour’s house party… drank till 5am

Final day was a lunchtime meet for a pint before everyone started heading home – but for a hard-core bunch of us it spiralled out of control and some stags had to come back to mine for another night after missing their last bus/train.

The next day I didn’t move from the couch my jaw had been through a lot and I didn’t want to start my pills till I was a bit drier – Fucking agony but the weekend was worth it.

Even with a broken jaw the Wildness just comes out in me.